My God has Answered with the Dawn- Happy New Year

Apparently, the whole world is glad that 2016 is over- everywhere you look there's a meme, blog, or status about how terrible this year has been. Some enterprising souls even turned 2016 into a fairly clever horror movie trailer.   

Based on social media, it seems like everyone will be counting down to the New Year with unusual gusto this evening. And honestly, I'm no different. 2016 was an incredibly difficult year for us as a family. We learned a lot, grew a lot, and cried a lot. It's been exhausting.

If you're wondering what was going on in 2016 for us, you can read about some of it here.  Suffice it to say, this year was a challenge.

October especially was a month of transition. On October 21st, the two foster children who had been part of our family for the last year and a half left our home to be reunited with their biological parents. While we were glad for their family's gain, we grieved for our family's loss. To us, these were not someone else's children that we had simply  been babysitting. We had fully embraced them as our own- knowing that they would most likely leave us eventually. Losing them has been the most confusing and painful event of my life.

Almost exactly a week after our foster children left us, our daughter was born. We had anticipated her for so long, and our excitement over her arrival mixed with the grief of our loss.

I think the general consensus from others is that our daughter's birth somehow made the loss of our foster children easier. I don't really understand that logic. The cries of a newborn can't replace the temper tantrums of a two year old. The gentle coos and smiles of a baby can't replace the laughter of a three year old. Joy for the arrival of one child can't erase the loss of another.

But, there is something her birth can do. It can serve as a reminder that God is faithful. Faithful to walk beside us in our grief, faithful to bring us through it, faithful to provide new joy in our new journey.

That's why I love our daughter's name so much.   Eliana Dawn.

Eliana Dawn

 Eliana (el-e-ah-na) is a Hebrew name that means "My God has Answered". Dawn (obviously) means the dawn of a new day. Put them together and you have "My God has Answered with the Dawn". 

Throughout the time we had our foster children, we knew we would lose them. And throughout that time, we prayed for courage to love them fully anyway. We prayed for strength to have them in our family and then let them go. We prayed for hope in the midst of pain. 

And God answered those prayers in an unexpected way- with the addition of another child. Eliana is our reminder that life continues no matter what losses happen. She is our reminder that God's mercies are new every morning, and His faithfulness is great. She is our reminder that God answers the prayers of His people; that He gives hope.

Eliana is our reminder that "Weeping may remain for the night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5) 

I don't know what journey you're on, or what pain you're hoping to escape. I can't promise that you'll avoid pain. It's more than likely that you won't.  What I can promise is that God will meet you in your pain and bring you through it. He'll send you reminders that He is faithful. That He is for you. That He is with you.

Your reminder may not be as tangible or dramatic as a new baby. It may be a Bible verse that just keeps popping up. It may be a friend who refuses to leave you alone in your grief. It may be a family (or church family) that surrounds you with support. It may just be a still, small, voice in the quietness of your own soul. But whatever it is, look for it and embrace it. 

Because God is with you in your pain. He wants you to know that this is not the end- it's just the beginning of something different than you expected. 

Because:

And your God will answer with the dawn. 

Happy New Year! 

The Sword of Mary's Soul- An Unusual Christmas Pondering

Christmas is almost here, and with it comes all the expected trappings. Lights, presents, busy stores, and the ever-controversial Christmas tree. If you travel in church circles, it also brings the beloved Christmas hymns, nativity scenes, and reflection on the birth of Christ. The nativity story has stood out to me in a different way this year. This year I've thought more about Mary than any other participant. And not the usual reflections of how startling it must have been when Gabriel announced Jesus birth, or how difficult the journey to Bethlehem must have been. 

This year one small sentence from Luke 2 has been standing out to me. It's after the journey to Bethlehem, after the crowded inn, after the shepherds have returned to their field praising God for the birth of Jesus. By the time this sentence shook Mary's world, her little family had probably moved into a more permanent dwelling in Bethlehem. She and Joseph were probably starting to build a life together with their newborn son. 

This sentence is spoken to her as she and Joseph are sacrificing at the Jerusalem temple. Jesus is just a little over a month old. They enter the temple, and an old man approaches them. His name is Simeon, and he has waited his whole life to see the promised Savior. He sees Mary and Joseph with Jesus, and the Holy Spirit reveals to him who Jesus is. Overjoyed, Simeon approaches Jesus and blesses him.  How thrilled Mary must have been to meet someone who recognized her Son for what she knew Him to be- the Son of God, the salvation of the world! How wonderful for Mary and Joseph to see that the words spoken to them by the angel Gabriel were also being spoken to others. It wasn't a hallucination; God had entrusted them with the Messiah! 

But then, Simeon turns and addresses Mary. "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." (Luke 2:34-35) Right on the heels of this marvelous encouragement, comes what is basically a warning. A sword will pierce your soul. Nothing else. No details. No way to avoid it or lessen the pain. Simply a warning, a prediction. A sword will pierce your soul. I wonder how many times Mary thought about that warning. What did it mean? What "sword" can pierce your soul? What pain can be so deep that it feels like a stab wound to your very spirit?

 I wonder how many moments throughout Jesus childhood and ministry caused Mary to replay Simeon's words. A sword will pierce your soul. Did those words cast a shadow over her joy? Did they flit across her mind in the dead of night when she was comforting her baby? Did they keep her awake after her toddler son was safely asleep? Did she hear them again as she searched for a 12 year old Jesus, lost in Jerusalem?  Did she watch Jesus walk away the day He left her home for good  and wonder what those words meant? A sword will pierce your soul. 

My guess is that those words reverberated in her heart with every report of Jesus' adult life that came to her. As whispers of a plot to kill Him grew, as the hatred of the Pharisees became more pronounced, as the danger to Jesus became undeniable- Mary felt the shadow of a sword hanging over her soul. 

And then one day, the sword fell. Jesus was arrested, condemned, and executed in the most gruesome way. And Mary knew. A sword will pierce your soul. That sword was the torture and murder of her son. With everything else that Jesus was, He was also Mary's child. Her firstborn. Her miracle. His entrance into the world had shaped and changed her life. And now she was losing Him. A sword will pierce your soul.

 Mary's story tells us something- being used greatly by God will cost us greatly. God used Mary to bring the Savior of all mankind into the world. She was trusted by God to love Him, raise Him, and ultimately, to let Him go. She has a place of honor in the redemptive plan of God. But that place came at a high cost to herself. A sword pierced her soul, and swords always leave scars. 

But Mary's sword, the death of her Son, brought her the greatest joy and blessing- the salvation of the world. Including her own salvation. Bringing joy from grief, redemption from loss, beauty from ashes, is the divine paradox. It is our greatest pain that God uses in the greatest way. It is the swords that pierce our souls that bring us closer to Him, that God uses to shine light into a fallen world.

I'm sure you've experienced losses that have pierced your soul. If you haven't, you soon will. Here's the only encouragement I can offer you for when a sword pierces your soul: Allow it to pierce. Allow it to hurt. That pain will drive you to the feet of the only One who can bring you through it. And when He does, you will be stronger- stronger in your faith, stronger in your ability to love, stronger in your ability to trust. You will be able to say with Job "My ears had heard of You, but now my eyes have seen You." (Job 42:5)

God does not waste our pain. He intends to use it first to shape us, then to impact others and glorify Himself. That impact may be the ability to say to someone else, "I understand. It gets better." It may be an opportunity to share how God guided us through the darkest night of our souls. It may even result in someone coming to know Christ as Savior. 

The sword that pierced Mary's soul brought salvation to the world. God does not waste our pain- He uses it to sow redemption.  

7 Things You Should Know About Foster Care

My husband (Logan) and I embarked on our foster care journey just over a year ago. Technically, it was July 6th, 2015. That date will forever be burned into my heart and mind as the day my life changed forever. Everyone talks about receiving the phone call that changes everything. Well, July 6th, 2015 is the day I got my phone call. A dear friend called me while I was at work and gave me the highest honor and greatest challenge I've ever been given. She said that Child Protective Services was at her door and removing her children. They would allow her to choose a family member or close friend to care for her children, if she could find someone the state would approve. She asked me to come get her children so she would know where there were and who was caring for them. I told her I'd be right there, informed my boss (who was very understanding) that I needed to leave, and went to get the children.

That was a year ago. The children are now 2 and 1,(our biological son is 4) and this has been the craziest year of my life. Logan and I agree that we would do it again without a second thought, but it's been harder than we expected. There have been emotional meetings with birth parents and social workers, court hearings that didn't end the way we hoped they would, more red tape and rules than you could possibly imagine, and a crazy amount of both love and heartbreak.

Since starting on this journey, Logan and I have been approached by several people asking this question: "I've always thought it would be cool to be a foster parent. What's it like?" 

A question like that isn't easily answered. As I've been asked that question over and over, some thoughts have formed in my mind. So here's 7 things you should know about foster care before you start (or if you have connections with foster parents or children):

1. Foster Parenting Isn't About You
 While this may seem obvious, it can be hard to grasp in an experiential way through the process of foster parenting. It's not about proving how good a parent you are, it's not about fulfilling yourself in some way by helping a child, it's not about how "cool" you think it would be. Foster care is about one thing: giving yourself and your own family sacrificially over and over and over again for the good of another person. Don't expect a lot of "thank you's" from anyone- social workers, birth parents, or children. If you need someone to express gratitude for your sacrifice in order to be motivated to continue foster care, don't start in the first place.

 2. Foster Care Is About Families, Not Children
This is probably the biggest misconception people have about foster care. When they picture it, they picture having a great relationship with a child in need of a loving home. Sure, that relationship may start out a bit rocky (isn't that what all the movies show?), but after a little time and love, that child will understand how lucky they are to be in their home and will respond with changed behavior and love. Then everyone lives happily ever after.

Wrong.

The biggest flaw with this theory is that foster care isn't about a child only. It's about the family the child was removed from. The goal of the foster care system is to keep a child as healthy and happy as possible while waiting for a reunification with their birth parents to be possible.. The foster parents job is not just to parent the child, but to support the efforts of the state to give that child back to their birth parents. That means working closely with the people who hurt the child that's now in your care- after all, the child wasn't removed for no reason. You'll know the reason why the child was removed, you'll see the effects of the birth parent's choices and behavior up close and personal. And you'll be the one dealing with the aftermath of those choices day after day and sleepless night after sleepless night. And still, you'll be expected to sit in the same room with those birth parents, smile, and be supportive of returning this child that you've grown to love into their care. Even if you don't think that's a great idea. Before you start foster care, remember that it's about helping a family not just a child. And that family may not want your help.

3. Don't Do It Just To Adopt
 This goes back to foster care not being about you. Lots of people think foster care is just an inexpensive way to adopt. And it can be that. But most foster care situations don't end in adoption. In Utah, only about 25% of foster care cases end in adoption- and that's higher than the national average. Even the cases that do end in adoption, usually take years to get there. If your primary reason for  wanting to do foster care is to adopt, I'd highly suggest you not do it. There are other avenues you can pursue that would be better and faster (and not terribly more expensive) than fostering to adopt.

4. Learn To Bravely Love, In Spite of Impending Loss
 Opening yourself up to love a child  you know you probably won't keep is hard. It's a daily choice. And just when you've come to a place where it feels like this child has become an irreplaceable part of your family and loving them is as natural as breathing, you'll get a call. Or an email. Or an "invitation" to a meeting. Or a court date. Something that will remind you that this child is not yours, and will not be staying. And pain will tear through your heart. You'll have to stop what you're doing and focus on just breathing. On holding yourself together. Because if you concentrate on anything else in that moment, the shrapnel of your heart will fly in every direction and pierce everyone close to you. And when that has passed, this child will come up to you and ask to be held. To be loved. Everything in you will say to turn them away for your own sake. Because you need to put distance between you to stay sane. But the reason you started this was for the good of the child, not yourself. So instead you'll pick them up. You'll hold them close and sing them to sleep. They'll put their face close to yours and say "I loooovvveeee you!!!" and you'll say "I loooovvveeee you too!" because you do. And that's what they need- to love and to be loved for however long they have you. Then, later, by yourself, you'll cry and scream and pray for strength to do it again tomorrow. And by God's grace, you'll have that strength as He gives it to you. And you'll grieve the loss you know is coming, and then bravely choose to love this child anyway.

5. The World Is Broken And So Is The System
 You will learn through this journey how completely messed up the world is. How sin has ruined everything.  Part of that will be learning just how flawed the foster care system is. People whose job is to protect the children most affected by the sin of others will fail to do so. Decisions will be made that you don't agree with and that you have no power to change. You will be told what you have to do and whether or not you believe it to be in the best interest of the child, you will have to do it. You will be angry and hurt that the system is not working.

But underneath that, remember that there are people within the system trying their best. Their intentions are good. No one becomes a social worker, or a policeman, or a judge, or a foster parent because they want to tear families apart and hurt children. They want to help. They're trying to help. But the world is broken, they're broken, and so are you. Learn to make peace with a system and laws you can't control, and trust that God is working in and through those things, even if you can't understand how.

6. Be Ready To Break And Be Remade- Again And Again
Within a month after starting foster care, you'll be a different person than you were. The next month you'll be different again. And the month after that, and the month after that. Within a year, you will be unrecognizable, at least to yourself. Many of the changes may not be visible to others. They will be an inner understanding of the selfishness and sin that exist in your own heart in a way you never knew before. An understanding of how desperately in need of God's grace you are to live with and to love others.  A realization of how closely joy and grief can be mixed together, and how in some situations you can't experience one without experiencing the other. A newfound strength to both love and grieve radically. And most of all, the inner knowledge that maybe God called you to this because He has work to do in you, not because you're going to change the world (or even one person or family).  You will be refined. You will learn to pass through the fire and trust that God will not allow you to be consumed by it. You will learn to trust that those you love, like biological children you bring into the fire with you, will not be consumed by it either. And you will learn that:

7. God Is In Control
 The world is a terrible place sometimes. Children are hurt by people who should protect them. Moms are broken because someone committed unspeakable horrors against them, and now they act out of the only thing they've ever known- fear. Dads make bad choices because they've never seen a man stand up and take responsibility for their family.

But over and above that, Christ reigns victorious. And He is using you, your family, your choice to radically and sacrificially love a broken family, to bring about good. Good for you, good for the child, and good for the parents. Though you may not see exactly how, or understand all that's going on, you can trust that God is for you and He is for this child, this family. Even if He doesn't "fix" your situation, or it doesn't end how you think it should, God is using you to bring grace and light to a broken world. And He is using a broken family, broken system, broken world to break you and bring you closer to Him. And in the end, isn't that the whole point?

Is He Your Son? A Foster Mom's Dilemma

Me with our biological son, Josiah,
 when he was about 6 months old

Recently, my husband and I welcomed two foster children into our home. It's a unique and complicated situation in a few ways, but the end result was that we now have two beautiful children (ages 2 and 1) to care for as our own for the foreseeable future. As you could imagine, this has added both joy and chaos to our lives!

Foster care also adds an extra layer of complication to matters that really shouldn't be so complicated. Our family's trip to the park a few weeks ago is a perfect example! While playing with the almost 2 year old boy we're caring for, a little girl innocently asked me "Is he your son?" I hesitated for a split second- how should I answer? If she were older I might try to explain. Instead I just answered, "Yes". 

But the question stuck with me. Is he my son? If you ask different people, you'd get different answers. Some would say yes, because he's currently living as part of my family and in my care for now. Others would give a resounding no, because he doesn't share my DNA and our goal is to return him to the care of his biological parents. 

In some ways, he's not my son. I didn't carry him for nine months. I didn't nurse him. I didn't get to spend sleepless nights with him as a newborn. I wasn't there when he crawled for the first time or took his first steps. I most likely won't be there when he goes to his first day of school, brings home his first homework assignment, gets his driver's license, or goes on his first date.If everything goes as planned, he won't even remember the time he's spent in my home. So in those ways, no, he's not my son. 

In other ways, he is indistinguishable from my biological 3 year old son. I've changed his diapers, cleaned him up after he got sick at 3am, and held him while he cried. I've been his comfort and his constant when he's confused and scared. I've sung him to sleep and woke up to his laughter. I've cried for him, prayed for him, been joyful with him.

I've learned things from sharing life with this little boy. He has revealed things in me that are both commendable and detestable. He is making a forever imprint on my heart, and I hope I'm making one on his. 

In short, I have loved him and he has loved me.

So to me, in all the ways that matter, he's my son. I won't get to have him forever, he may not remember me, and we will never share DNA. But he has changed me and I will never be able to change back. 

So, when someone asks if he's my son, I may not always say yes out loud. But in my heart, I always say yes. 

Because really, family is so much more than biology and blood. Family is love, sacrifice, and commitment. 
 
And those are things that time, location, and even lack of memory, cannot change.

The Merit of Another

"In Jesus Name, Amen."

If you're anything like me, you say the above phrase at the end of your prayers largely because you know you're supposed to. Am I right? (Don't worry, no judgement. ;) 

In my world, a lot of times I gloss over the "In Jesus Name" part.  It's something I say quickly to get to the "Amen" so I can move on with my day. It gets tacked on the end of my prayers with no real thought or appreciation. 

But then one day, I was listening to a sermon by Alistair Begg on Truth for Life. And I noticed something about his prayers. Most of the time, Alistair says "It's for Jesus sake we ask it" instead of "In Jesus Name". These two phrases really mean the same thing if we boil them down, but the uncommon wording caught my attention. And then I started to really think about what it is I'm saying at the end of my prayers- 

The God of the Universe came down to earth in the Person of Jesus. 
 
Jesus lived on this earth and led  perfect life. 

Then He chose to sacrifice Himself on the cross- a perfect, holy and righteous sacrifice.

Why? So that our sins could be covered by His blood. When He died on the cross, all my sins and failures were placed on Him and He received the punishment for them. When I put my trust in Jesus and believe that only His death could pay the punishment for my sin, then I receive His perfection as a free gift. 

When I say "In Jesus Name", I'm encapsulating all of those facts into one phrase. I'm asking God to answer my prayer because of what Jesus did on the cross. I'm claiming His perfection as the basis by which I can approach the God who dwells in unapproachable light.

Hmmm. Taking time to think it through really puts that whole "In Jesus Name" thing in a different light, huh? 


This was mind-blowing enough, and then one day I heard myself saying this at the end of my prayers- 

" In Jesus Name and on His merit I ask it..." 


WHOAA!!! 

I stopped praying to think about what I'd just said (which must have come out of my mouth simply because of the Holy Spirit's leading), and was astounded once again by the implications of it. 


I was talking to God because of Jesus. I could bank on God answering my prayers and fulfilling His promises because of Jesus. Not because:

• I'm a good person who tries really hard
• I serve God 
• I'm organized
• I'm good at my job
• I'm a good mom
• Or anything else I do!

 What really hit me that day was something I already knew, but that took on another layer of meaning for me. See, I can be a prideful person (I can feel all the eye-brow raising as people who know me really well are thinking "Can be?!") It's easy for me to start comparing myself to other people and see only how good I'm doing in comparison to them. This is folly for a few reasons, but the one that stuck out to me that day was this:

It doesn't matter how good I'm doing in comparison to other people. What matters is that I'm a sinner, and the only reason I can even talk to God is because of the merit of another. 


That "another" is Jesus!!!! And hallelujah, I can pray on His merit and not my own!


Now when I'm ending my prayers, I savor those final phrases. I let the impact of what I'm saying wash over me. "In Jesus Name, on His merit, and for His sake I ask it." And you know what? I always end my prayers with a smile on my face. :) 


Give it a try sometime! I promise, it will put all your prayers and worries into perspective and will leave you with a smile that just won't go away!

Here's my song version of everything I just said. Enjoy!

Happy Easter!

An Open Letter from One Working Mom to Another

Dear Working Mom,

             Life gets crazy, doesn't it? Between work, kids, husband, church, and everything else in life, I'm sure your time is scarce. So I'll try not to take too much of it- I just wanted to share some things I've learned as a working mom and wife.


1. Don't Push Your Children to the Side

I know when you get home from work, the last thing you really want to do is make dinner, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, and start a load of laundry. But if life is going to happen and the practical needs  of your family be met, that's exactly what you have to do. Perhaps the only thing that could make it more exhausting is doing all of it while playing catch with your toddler! How much easier and faster everything is if you put on a movie for your toddler while you finish up! Easier and faster, yes. But is it the best? 

Remember that your toddler will only be a toddler for only a while. He will only want you to to you and you alone for a while. So dig deep and play catch while you brown the hamburger for dinner! Delight in the fact that you child wants you and isn't content to settle for anyone else. That time will be gone before you know it. After all, doesn't it seem like yesterday that you were still carrying a newborn everywhere? So play catch with as much joy as you can, and remember it's a sign of how much your child loves you, and how much they missed you while you were gone. 

2. Don't Keep Score with Your Husband

Please don't ever keep tally marks of how much you've done and how much your husband has done! Nothing will kill your relationship faster than bitter feelings and resentment over who's done more dishes or worked more hours. Start everyday with a clean slate, and don't fill it up! Resolve every day to love, serve, honor and respect him to the best of your ability that day- and don't remember what you did for him yesterday! Love keeps no record of wrongs, and I don't believe it keeps a record of rights either.  

Does it matter in the end if you worked exactly 3.82 hours more than he did this week or did the dishes 5 more times than he did? No, it doesn't. I know it feels like it does, but it doesn't. Look instead at his heart= does he love you and God? Does he desire your best? If the answers are yes, you are blessed beyond measure! 

Your husband is human, and there may be times you need to gently remind him that you need his help, that you want his help. But always do so prayerfully and respectfully! I bet that sometimes he doesn't realize you want his help, and simply doesn't want to get in your way. Love always hopes- so trust your husband's heart. He wants your best, and he will respond with grace. So obey the Lord, put your husband before yourself, and pray for God to work in you as well as him. 


Oh, dear working mother, your plate is full! But so is your heart, your joy, and your love! Remember that, and keep perspective! 


Love,

A Working Mother Who Gets It

Pizza and Stitches: God in the Ordinary!

The description of this blog is "An ordinary person in search of the divine workings of an extraordinary God in the midst of very normal circumstances." Last week, I had such an excellent example of God showing up in the ordinary that I just have to share it with you! Ready? Grab some popcorn and let's go. :) 


It all started 2 years ago. Yes, 2 years ago. Let me explain. 2 years ago, Logan and I were helping with a week long Bible Kids Club at an apartment complex. There were LOTS of kids and 3 teachers. Oops. 

Me and Breydin at the Kids Club.

So, to make that arrangement work, the three teachers asked two teenage boys, Tristan and Breydin, from North Valley Bible Church to help with crowd control. They said ok, and did a great job helping. Logan and I said we were going to take them out to dinner to thank them for their willingness and excellent

Tristan (right) and Josiah at the Kids Club, with another helper (Sarah)

service. We budgeted the money, promised to set something up, and looked forward to it.


Fast forward two years. Life gets busy, changes happen, and we never get around to taking them out. But, we still have the money budgeted! Some of the changes that happened result in Logan and I taking over the youth group at North Valley Bible Church, which consists mainly of Tristan and Breydin. :O 



Every week, Tristan and Breydin come to our house for dinner and a Bible Study. So we say to each other, "Why not take them out for the dinner we promised them for doing such a great job helping with the Kids Club?" Perfect! We'll finally fulfill our promise and they'll be properly thanked for their service. 



So, last Friday we took them out to Pizza Pie Cafe, a delicious all-you-can-eat pizza place that our family loves. Being a Friday night, the line was waayyy long so we ended up waiting for awhile. While we're waiting, Josiah starts hanging out with some other kids around the little "vending machines". You know the kind. The 25 cent money stealers that attract kids like Elsa attracts ice. 



This particular money stealing attraction featured rubber bouncy balls which are Josiah's kryptonite. He immediately started begging for one of these balls and was told no. For starters, I didn't have a quarter. For enders, even if I did I wasn't going to buy him anything from those money sucking machines. That's not a path I'm walking down. 

Not the bouncy ball, but similar.

As I was explaining to him that he would just have to deal with the heart break of not obtaining the coveted rubber bouncy ball, one of the little boys he'd been standing with walked up.

 This little boy held out his hand to Josiah and offered him what his heart so desperately sought- the rubber bouncy ball! I looked to the left and saw a beaming mother, obviously the master mind behind the whole thing. I smiled and said thank you, while inwardly thinking, "Really? Come on! If I wanted my son to have a bouncy ball, I would have bought him one myself!" But let me tell you, I was thankful for that little bouncy ball before the night was over!

All of us at Pizza Pie Cafe!

The little boy returned to his mother, I went back to our youth group, and Josiah clutched his prize triumphantly in his little hand. It kept him busy for the next 15 minutes while we waited to sit down, and he actually did a fairly good job of not throwing it at peoples heads. Not too hard, at least. 


Fast forward an hour and a half. We pull into our driveway (which is made of asphalt and has little pebbles sticking out of it) and start waddling like overstuffed toads into our house. Josiah is walking with Logan, still exclaiming over his good fortune in getting his rubber bouncy ball and still waving it about happily.

In one of those inexplicable "How did that even happen" moments, Josiah trips over something. (Was it his foot? A tiny pebble? An invisible cat?)

The Injury!

 He does a little half turn and smacks the side of his head against the asphalt. Blood starts pouring out of this tiny little piercing on the side of his head, and the wailing starts.


Logan and I cleaned him up as best we could and discovered this tiny little cut was deep. We made our first parenting decision relating to an injury- we're going to the ER to get stitches. 


So we went to the ER and spent the next four hours waiting in various locations of the ER. Josiah clutched his little rubber bouncy ball through the whole ordeal of getting his cut cleaned, having a syringe stuck inside his open cut, and having two little stitches put in.

 

Waiting room faces!

If you know my son (or any two and a half year old, probably) you'd know that he never goes anywhere without a toy. He finds security and peace in having one, and occupies himself with it while I'm hauling him around running errands. 

Seriously, we waited a long time.

In this case, he clutched his little rubber bouncy ball as comfort through what was probably a pretty scary experience for a very tired two year old, and distracted himself from needles, nurses, and pain with it.

Brave faces!

Post-stitches. Not the best picture, but you get the idea.

Reflecting on it later, Logan and I were amazed at God's goodness to us and a little two year old who loves bouncy balls. God knew I wasn't going to buy Josiah that little rubber bouncy ball (which is a fine decision), and He knew that Josiah was going to go to the ER without having time to go home and get a toy of his own. So, He moved in the heart of a beaming mother and her son to give Josiah a little rubber bouncy ball to get him through the experience. The result? Blessings all around! The mother and her son got a good memory of giving a toy to a cute little boy, Josiah got the comfort of his favorite kind of toy in the ER, and we got to see how much God loves us and our son. 


See what I mean about the Divine Ordinary? God loves to bless us through things that seem so ordinary we may not even notice them unless we're looking for them.

God blessed us through a little rubber bouncy ball this week- how has He blessed you? 

Are you Valjean or Javert? Click here to find out!

In honor of Throwback Thursday, here's something I wrote a few years ago right before the movie Les Miserables came out. Are you more like Valjean or Javert? Read on to find out! 

As I am sure the whole world is aware, the musical movie Les Miserables opens on Christmas Day! Oh, you didn't know that? Must just be us theatre geeks then... Regardless, this theatre geek is beyond excited! First off, Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean? Does it get better than that? Next on the excitement scale is Russell Crowe as Javert. I know he's not the singer we would picture Javert being, but he's a wonderful actor, and him playing opposite Hugh Jackman will be epic, even if the songs aren't everything we would hope them to be. So all in all, I fully expect this movie to be awesome!
 
Now, like any good theatre geek would be doing before the opening of such an anticipated movie, I've been listening and re-listening to the Les Mis soundtrack, contemplating the character's individual situations and personalities, and singing random bits of the songs throughout the day (I think my son's first words will be “I stole a loaf of bread”). And as I've done that, I've been struck by the similarities between Valjean and Javert. No, not in everything, but in the show they share one major experience: an experience of grace.


 Grace, in case anyone was wondering, is defined as “unmerited favor.” It means that someone did something nice for you that you didn't deserve. Like your parents feeding you dinner right after you mouthed off to them (if your parent's didn't feed you dinner after that, don't complain- you didn't deserve it anyway. (:) Both character's have a pivotal and defining moment during the course of the musical that shows two diametrically opposed ways to respond to the same experience of grace. 


You may be thinking, “So what?” Well, I always like to look for things to learn from theatre rather than just being merely entertained. Actually, the literal meaning of the Greek word for entertainment is “to inform with delight”. So when I look for life lessons in my entertainment, I'm really just living up to the original meaning of the word. But I digress... back to Valjean and Javert.  

I think we can learn an invaluable lesson about human nature, God, and grace from Valjean and Javert.


Valjean's experience of grace occurs near the beginning of the show. After being released on parole from the prison hard labor camps, in which he served 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread in order to save his nephew from death, Valjean learns a hard lesson- people don't give ex-convicts the same treatment as others. After doing the same work as another man, he is paid far less than he deserves and only half as much as the other man. He grows bitter that his past follows him and people treat him like “the dirt beneath their feet.”  


Enter the Bishop. He is, you guessed it, a bishop with the Roman Catholic Church. He invites Valjean to spend the night at his home and treats him with kindness and love. He gave Valjean food, wine, a warm place to spend the night, and treatment as an equal. In short, he gave Valjean everything he wanted the rest of the world to give him.


 But how does Valjean react to this treatment? In his own words, “...the old fool trusted me....when the house was still, I got up in the night. Took the silver and took my flight!” He used the Bishop's kindness against him, robbed him, and ran away- the very picture of what the rest of the world said Valjean was like and the very reason no one else would trust him. Well, what goes around comes around, and Valjean's latest crime is discovered by the police and he is rearrested for his crime. In desperation, Valjean tells the police that the Bishop gave him that silver out of “Christian goodness”. The police drag Valjean back before the Bishop to answer for his crime. 

And this is when the pivotal moment occurs. 

 Valjean fully expects the Bishop to send him packing right back to prison- but he doesn't. Instead, he does the most unexpected thing imaginable; he corroborates Valjean's story that the silver was a present! Even more amazingly, he proceeds to give Valjean a set of silver candlesticks worth a fortune to go with the silver Valjean stole.
 

And here is Valjean's experience of grace- unmerited favor. The Bishop showed Valjean unmerited favor in choosing not to condemn him for his crime and, on top of that, blessing him with something even more valuable than he took. A free gift; something Valjean definitely had not earned. In fact, what Valjean had earned was a ticket back to prison, fair and square. He broke the law, he repaid kindness with evil, he betrayed a trust. It would be perfectly fair for the Bishop to send him back to prison without a second thought. But instead he chooses to give Valjean a second chance (third, technically) and allowed him to go free, with one condition. “You must use this precious silver to become an honest man. By the witness of the martyrs, by the passion and the blood, God has raised you out of darkness. I have bought your soul for God.” And with that, the Bishop leaves Valjean to make his choice- Would he do as the Bishop asked and become an honest man, or take the gift and continue to live an unlawful life?
 

Valjean decided to honor the Bishop's request, and he used the silver to become a very honest man. In fact, he became the mayor of the town in which Javert lived. He allowed the Bishop's gift to change him and to affect his life for good. He accepted the gift he knew he could not have earned, and became a totally different kind of man. Valjean's whole life was changed by the Bishop's act of unmerited favor- by grace.
 

Javert also has an experience of grace. Ironically, it is Valjean who shows grace to Javert. Near the end of the show, Javert has snuck into the rebel's barricade as a spy and been discovered. Valjean asks that he be allowed to take care of Javert. Thinking Valjean intends to kill him, the rebels allow it. 



After years of running from Javert, it seems that Valjean will finally get his revenge, kill Javert, and reclaim his life. But instead of killing Javert, Valjean sets him free! Javert cannot seem to grasp the concept of grace. He accuses Valjean of trying to trade Javert's freedom for his own. “Once a thief, forever a thief! What you want you always steal. You would trade your life for mine, yes Valjean, you want a deal. Shoot me now for all I care, if you let me go beware, you'll still answer to Javert!” 
  

Javert cannot grasp the fact that Valjean has changed; he is no longer a thief, simply a man trying to help another man. Valjean attempts to explain to Javert what he has never been able to understand- that not everything has to be earned or traded. “ You are wrong, and always have been wrong. I'm a man, no worse than any man. You are free, and there are no conditions, no bargains or petitions. There's nothing that I blame you for. You've done your duty, nothing more.”  

Valjean wanted and expected nothing from Javert in return. He knew Javert would continue to pursue him and attempt to imprison him once more. Valjean even tells Javert where he is currently living in order to show Javert he has no ulterior motive or plan to escape. Javert leaves the barricade, but struggles to accept Valjean's grace.
 

In Javert's final climatic scene, he wrestles with this experience of grace that is contradictory to everything he believes and views as important in life. Javert is characterized by law; nothing is free, favor and freedom are earned by our obedience to a set of rules. One instance of breaking the law, even set against a lifetime of keeping the law, is enough to condemn us forever. 



Valjean has just shown Javert grace, and grace and law cannot co-exist. If we live by one, we cannot live by the other. Javert himself admits this when he sings, “ I am the law and the law is not mocked. I'll spit his pity right back in his face....There is nothing on earth that we share. It is either Valjean or Javert!”  

Javert is incapable of seeing Valjean as anything but a thief, though Valjean has not lived that way for years. And actually, Javert is justified in seeing Valjean this way. Valjean did break the law and according to the law he deserves to go back to prison. But Javert fails to account for grace. Grace has the power to change a person's character, the very essence of who they are. 

This is a power the law could never have and it is not something Javert can reconcile with his worldview because from his perspective based entirely on law, it doesn't seem possible. 



Javert is now faced with much the same choice Valjean was faced with at the beginning of the show. Would he accept Valjean's free gift of grace and realize that there is a power greater than the law, one that can truly change men's hearts, or reject the concept of grace entirely?
 

Sadly, Javert's story does not end as happily as Valjean's. Javert is so accustomed to his world of rules and regulations, of rigid laws and unchangeable consequences, that he chooses to reject Valjean's grace entirely. Grace is incompatible with the way he has chosen to live his life, and he cannot accept it. “And must I now begin to doubt, who never doubted all these years? My heart is stone and still it trembles! The world I have known is lost in shadow. Is he from heaven or from hell? And does he know that granting me my life today, this man has killed me, even so?” 


Not only can Javert not accept it, he decides he can't even live in a world where Valjean may no longer be the thief that Javert has deemed him to be. “I am reaching, but I fall...as I stare into the void of a world that cannot hold. I'll escape now from that world, from the world of Jean Valjean. There is nowhere I can turn, there is no way to go on!” 


And with that Javert jumps from a bridge and ends his life, effectively rejecting Valjean's gift of releasing him and saving his life. In Javert's mind, justice has been served and he is no longer indebted to Valjean.
 

We too have a choice much like Valjean and Javert's choice. God has extended to us the free gift of salvation in His Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus came to earth as a human, lived a perfect life, and was killed on the cross as a payment for our sin- yours and mine. That might seem kind of gruesome, but God is just. When sin is committed, a price has to be paid. God can't simply overlook it. 



The payment that must be made is death. Romans 6:23 says “For the wages of sin is death...” Just like Valjean was required to serve his sentence as a penalty for his crime in order to fulfill justice, so a death is required as a penalty for sin to fulfill justice. 



But God is also a loving, gracious God who doesn't desire us to die and be separated from Him. And so He provided a way for the penalty of sin to be exacted in its entirety and for us to be able to live with Him eternally. That way was through a perfect, sinless man willingly dieing for us, taking our punishment so that we wouldn't have to. The rest of Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus.” 

And now the choice is ours- we can accept this free gift by placing our trust in Jesus Christ (meaning that we acknowledge our inability to earn salvation and agree with God that Jesus' death is the only thing that will enable us to have eternal life with God) or we can reject God's grace and attempt to earn His favor by living according to a set of rules.
 

Let Javert's mistake be a lesson to you; not everything can be earned or traded.  
Accept God's grace in Jesus Christ and let that grace affect your life- both now and for all eternity. As all of us theatre geeks crowd into the movie theater on Christmas Day, I pray we'll all remember that God's grace is a free gift and it is available to us at any time we choose to accept it!
“For by grace you have been saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Not of works, so no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9


“For He (God) made Him (Jesus) who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” II Corinthians 5:21


“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved.” Acts 16:31